When Martin ended up in the Co-teacher's bed

Sunday 28th August 2011

While we were in church, Juliette, one of my English co-teachers asked (or was it told) us to come for something to eat at her house after church. So we couldn't go home as we had now made this arrangement and she lived right next door to the church and so when she came out about 30 minutes later we went with her to her home. Now I will explain how Martin ended up in her bed.

When we went to Juliette’s before we only saw the bedroom come dining room and a glimpse of the kitchen on the right. This time we went into the room to the right of the kitchen and what a surprise. In sharp contrast to the grim decor of the first room this was a long rectangular room with a stone fireplace in the corner and pine cladding all over the walls. A long table, the length of the room was set out with plates for at least 20 people and an abundance of food. Loads of plates of food and triple layer cake stand full of gateaux and sweets.  It's not often as an adult I experience that child like wow surprise but there it was! We sat down at the table at one end on what appeared to be a makeshift long bench and there were already 3 guests. These were work colleagues of Dmitri, Juliette's husband. 

The feast begins

I wanted to save myself for the delights of the host family's feast that I has witnessed buying and being prepared but I was so hungry by this time (1.30) that I got stuck in. 2 different meat casseroles, mince and rice wrapped in cabbage leaves (dolma),oval shaped burgers, Russian vegetable salad, chicken pieces, and hot fried little birds with salt on that was killed by Dmitri. Dimitri is a big hunter and the walls have various animals nailed to them. His 3 friends are also big hunters and offer to take Martin hunting with them to catch bears and such like. Have I said how attractive the people are in Georgia? In the UK we imagine the French, Spanish and Italians are all gorgeous because it is based on films etc and when you go to the country then you realise that in fact it is the minority and most are pretty unattractive. Here in Georgia the reverse is true. I would say that 90% if not more are particularly attractive. They have fantastic bones, clear olive complexions, even features. In many cases they are astonishingly beautiful. Uleah is a case in mind. She is fair, green eyed and auburn hair but is like a queen. I am in love with her. She seems like a stranded princess lol. But seriously, they are mostly on the high end of attractive. The three men sitting opposite us are the exception however and I find myself wondering why this is the case and statistically in a room with 4 Georgians how likely it is that 2 are very unattractive.

Not the horns!!!

The toasts began. These are very serious events. Not like the way we do toasts in England. These are more 

like the father of the bride speech or a prayer. The host Dmitri stood up and began "To women, mothers, wives ...." rhythmically nodding his glass in acknowledgment to all of us and then we drain our glasses. Then the next man on the left stood up "To nature ...." and the glasses are drained again. We continue, with larger glasses around the room.  By the time it's Martin's turn they bring out the horns. I am sipping, Martin is draining and I give his some simple wifely advice "For F*** sake - slow down!" Because I can see that he has 6 glasses of wine that still has to move from his stomach to his blood stream. We had no breakfast and it is 1:30 and this is not a good sign. I think we do another round of toasts and then Martin stands (if that is what you can call it) "To Georgia, past, present and future" We both liked this but it didn't seem to go down well, I don't know why; maybe it was lost in translation.  

Down in one go!

Peer Pressure Rules!

Anyway, he was the ballast on the bench we were sitting on and as he stood up it tipped up and I nearly went to the floor but regained balance just in time! However Martin teetered, tottered, stumbled and so on that note and after much debate we took him upstairs to the bedroom to sleep it off. He couldn't walk and there was no way we could have made it back home so it was the best thing for him. Peer pressure was his downfall. Secure under the floral duvet I left him and went downstairs. Juliette and I popped over to Khatuna and were made very welcome. We sat down and ate again! Then we had a phone call "Martin's standing up!!" So we rush over and find him sitting outside the house. Immediately a table is brought outside and laid with melon. It is now becoming surreal - Martin is unintelligible and immobile and we are being fed again. "I woke up and you weren't there" was his excuse. I insist that he goes back upstairs and so he is back in bed out of harm's way.

A lesson learned?  Sadly no!

To my horror and his, he now wants to be sick. I look around in a panic for something suitable and other than a tall narrow vase I find an exquisite dark green glass fruit bowl which is beautifully painted and gold plated. OMG I had no choice. The deed is done, he sleeps and I go back to meet the next thrust of visitors and more insistence on food. After a while I go back up to clean up but this house has very basic plumbing. There is a bath and a toilet but no taps or means of flushing the loo. But there is a barrel of water and so I get to work trying to clean this heavy glass bowl hoping that no-one sees me. We didn't take our phones and so have no means of getting in touch with Beso, but finally Nino turns up and I walk back with her.  Our family have been partying in the yard and I am a bit cheesed off that we have missed the festivities at home. Beso, me and for some reason Maia, go and fetch Martin and take him back. Juliette says that Martin can stay but I am not having that. He needs to be back home and out of trouble. Peer pressure.